my laptop is the Serenity of computers.

“Ship like this, be with you till the day you die.”

“Because it’s a deathtrap, sir.”

Things that are wrong with my laptop now include:

• 2GB of RAM with so many memory failures that memtest’s error report looks like the Chinese flag
• a battery that lasts 2 hours, if I’ve made all the appropriate sacrifices to appease the computer spirits
• a Broadcom wireless adapter that only exists .1% of the time, according to the computer
• a useless fan that leaves the laptop so hot I could fry eggs on the underside (or my skin, that too)

and now, to top it all off:

• a spacebar that squeaks on every single touch (on-squeak-every-squeak-touch-squeak)